nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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