WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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