Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
