Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
