alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The struggles of a small town man whore
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