i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
