lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
