remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
