Porn is love you can see.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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