also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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