I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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