sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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