I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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