The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My vagina just recognized that song.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
