How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
