Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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