I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
