you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
