My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize