OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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