Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Your dad touched me again.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
