Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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