We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
