porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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