Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
