Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
