From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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