You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
