You can't motorboat a personality
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
