things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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