I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
