end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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