whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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