He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
