distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
