I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
