We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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