I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
