marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Another day, another engagement, another cat
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
