She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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