North Korea, Best Korea!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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