Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
