Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
