I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
