Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You ruined the universe
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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