I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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