She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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