i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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