Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
