that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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