I cannot find my penis.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
