Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
