It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
