What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
