Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
