Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize