i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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