Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
