she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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