I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
