I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
