Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
