I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
