I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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