How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
