no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
