God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He shit in the fireplace
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
