You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
