and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you would pick up someone in the library
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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